Monday, April 28, 2008

Thought #24

Whoever gives thought to the word will
discover good,
and blessed is he who trusts in the
Lord.
- Proverbs 16: 20

Life gets taxing at times. And those times remain stagnant like all your world went to destruction. Because your days are hard. Annoying. Tough to bear. Disappointing. You get hurt from what, at any other time, seems small. It's that open wound. It's your world changing before your eyes and you don't know how to handle it.

Rains fall. Flood. Beading off the windshield. Drops. Everything lets go. Cables cut loose. Sun's lost behind the clouds. Black. Dark. Damp. Waves swamp highways. And April's found drowned with Atlantis.

But the rains have to come. They have to. And, unfortunately, you have to deal with it. I won't tell you how to deal with it (because even I don't know). Sometimes you have to embrace the situation for what it is. And you need air. Plenty of times you will be choking. Gasping. Frantically fighting for breath. So fight. And fight. Fight some more.

But know that you need to go under the blankets of water to struggle. To battle. To rage against all happening; you can't change the situation. You can only look at it from another angle.

Drown in the dripdrop pitterpatter precipitation. Bells toll. Bells toll. Toll three times telling twelve o'clock noon holds no sun in New England skies. Muddy oceans toss and turn and never sleep. When out at sea all goes to hell. All goes wrong. Smooth sailing's only a love song for the optimist. Washed overboard. Gone.

You need to wait out the storm. Let the waves carry you where they will. And wait. You need to give thought to the matter, to the word. It takes time. It takes hours when hours turn to days and days to weeks till sometimes repetition is in order. You need to give thought, to dwell on the matter.

Okay. So remain angry. Remain hurt. Cycle through all the emotions this seemingly self-destructive life-ending turmoil of a situation elicits. (Who cares?) Go out back of the shop and stand in the rain texting that perfect person "i can't handle this anymore." And get soaked. And stand longer. And cry. Simply cry. Because that is the only language you know while you stand freezing shuddering not knowing if you're blurry-eyed from rain? or tears?

This is you.

This is you in life.

This is life.

There is never any getting used to it. I'm not sure if we're meant to . But we are not meant to float to seabeds and sleep eternally lost among the water wild. Those emotions are only passing. The time is temporary, but that doesn't mean it's quick.

Not only are we to think on the matter, but we're to trust God. It's a process. It's a period of time. It's something we constantly learn to do. The teachings stick more when they come in times of pain. Of grief. Of nearly giving up. Quitting. Not knowing how to get through another torturous overbearing can't-handle-it-any-longer moment.

But this truly is the perfect moment to give it all up to God, trusting. This is when we inherently, naturally and somehow supernaturally just let it all go. Most of the time it's not even thought about. Unconscious. We are ignorant to the fact that we actually give control over to God. Somehow it happens like it's built into us. Like God will always be there for us whether we ask Him to be or not. Like He won't overwhelm us to a final breaking point.

And the moment we break is the moment we trust. The moment we trust is the moment we're blessed. The moment we're blessed is the moment we discover good. And the moment we discover good is the moment we give thought to the word. Then it all begins again giving thought to the matter.

Each drop from a cloud hastens its path so the sun can be seen again.

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