and have become my salvation.
- Psalm 118: 21
No one ever told me things would happen like this. I didn't sign up for this type of life. I didn't sign up for this heartache. I didn't sign up for this trouble. I did not sign up for lonely drives to clear my head. Distress. Nearly crying. Breaking. Needing to calm down somehow; that's why I run away to be by myself. To try and find God. To try and find some comfort. Some thing to get me through.
So right now I slouch in the corner of a coffee shop trying to get away. All I see is a world rushing through green lights, barely slowing for amber and stopping only when told "Red." I see people sitting alone. Empty cups. Everyone's walking around with sun glasses like they're viewing the world as a facade. Finding their own shade to life. Purposely ignoring the world for what it really is. For the colors it shows. For the shades it brings out. It's like we all hide from what reality is.
I think most of the time we view our surroundings through filters. Maybe we don't accept what hits us. Hard. Knocked down. Face in the mud in the midst of hurricanes. Blow to blow to below the belt shots. So we filter the world. We choose what to believe. We choose what to see. What to hear. Adhering to choices trying to catch a star and chase our dreams while we're miles below the heavens.
And that's how we get through. We try to control reality. When in fact we barely have any control. But we need those filters in order to survive. That's why we ask all those depressing questions of:
Why me?
Why this?
Why the hell does life happen the way it happens?
So let me ask you: Do you ever get an answer?
In all honesty, I take those long drives I mentioned because that's my time to be alone with the Lord. That's where I go to hear some audible voice; I still have yet to hear one. But my being deaf to any sort of clear heavenly angelic language or chorus is not a hinderance to God's speaking to me.
Because God's words sing around me. He tells me it's all going to be okay in the way the fog lifts off College Pond. The way it carelessly drifts off into the dawn. Like a tea kettle boiled over. And I have to slow my car at that point. Drink the moment. And be taken away from all my worries.
I hear God simply when I stare out the window at a coffee shop. It's then that the world fades away. It's just the grey twilight fighting tree lined horizons - one pushing against the other, a genuine Tug O' War where Earth's not sure if it wants night or day. Where cars pass, but they're merely actors exiting Stage Left. Where all the world is still chaotic surrounding me, but none of it's a bother. For some reason I'm at peace with a warring world.
God met me at the Battle of the Bulge.
And I fight on with strength not my own. I get on. I go. I walk. Up mountains. Through valleys. Cross rivers. Rest in deserts. And still chase the stars. My dad taught me the north star will always lead me home. So I look up at night. And wherever I am, I'm at home. For God is in that sky. My Maker. My Creator. And I look up. Then all is well.
Yes, I never did sign up for these rough times, but today I'm reminded that my God's in control. That I've lost all control - apparently. And He truly has become my salvation - a continual process.
Please know that no matter where you're at, it's all good. So go on those long drives. Break down. And cry. Simply let it all out. Because the Lord has become your salvation; that's it.
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