Confession XLVII

Remember the word to your servant,

in which you have made me hope.

This is my comfort in my affliction,

that your promise gives me life.

- Psalm 119: 49&50

There's an explosion in the sky.  She said, "Look at the clouds."  They keep swelling and building and bubbling and boiling over.  She said, "I came here to show you the clouds."  Like it was the end of the world and she came as the messenger.  Like all the world was about to erupt; the remnants would suspend in the sky.  And the clouds we used to think held gods and angels and heavenly beings of all types became the left overs of destroyed worlds.

The clouds moved west with the sun.  Most of the traffic on Long Pond Road followed suit.  Public announcements for EVACUATION at 11:07.  The people driving the opposite way, against the wind, must be going back for their families or their friends or Toto the dog - anything they can get before storms collide.

I sit in a lonely little shop watching it like a movie on the big screen.  That's all I've really been able to do lately - just watch life happen.  And it hasn't been the best of times nor the worst of times like Dickens wrote.  But they've been trying times for sure.  Times when I just want to collapse, but letting go and giving up was never built into me.  Times when I just want to hit and punch and kick and beat a wall to a pulp, but my dad always taught me never to hit someone unless he swings first.  Times when I want to run away from it all, but for some reason I can't even turn to the side; I am in this fight pushing the lines.  

I am moving forward.  Progressing.  Getting through this.  I often wonder how I'm getting on.  And I know the reason; it's the existence of the God of the Universe actually residing in my life.  It's the fact that I have hope for the next move.  That life tomorrow isn't just a shot in the dark.  That it's not some sort of gamble or chance like feeling around for a flashlight when the power goes out.

But I actually have a hope made for me.  I have a hope orchestrated for me.  Written detail for detail with no missing notes - a song beautifully composed.  It's a musical epic with all the goods of Homer or Gilgamesh.  And I am living in an adventure where, no matter what, my Lord is there for me, always and forever.

The explosions have nearly disappeared now.  The winds picked up.  The cars stopped.  And the horizon black.

I don't know the next move, but I push forward regardless of my inability to understand what lies ahead.  I trudge through muddy waters.  Escape quicksand.  Experience the sun breaking through the canopies.  And continue to live life.  I watch the world pass me by, but choose to play a part of this 21st century drama.  I am human living God's creation.

And so I am comforted in my affliction.  Given life.  And there is a hope made just for me.  And I am living that hope, living tomorrow and living now.

Know that there is hope, a hope made just for you and continue; that's all.