Monday, June 2, 2008

Thought #36

The plans of the diligent lead surely to
abundance,
but everyone who is hasty comes only 
to poverty.
- Proverbs 21: 5

I am moving away from all I've known for 23 years.  My whole life is in 56 Myles Standish Drive.  I barely know the world I live in, but I'm going out to explore.  I'm leaving family and friends, security and comfort, a place where I can give you exact directions from Fall River to Carver in multiple ways.  Then I can tell you, "It'll take a good hour to make the drive," no matter what a "good hour" clarifies or leaves ambiguous.  I'm leaving my childhood, my adolescence, and my college years.  And I know that soon London will be where I live, but will it be home?

I enter a future with no expectations, with no pre-defined notion of what tomorrow holds and with no concept of how God actually plans on moving in my life.  But at least I know that much, that God will move, that He will meet me right where I'm at.  It's happened before.  It's happening now.  And it's a continual occurrence in this walk with God.

All I can do is work for the future while remaining in this moment - now.  All I know has been and is happening.  I am part of some grand scheme far beyond my comprehension.  And each minute is like a revelation from the Maker Himself.  Revelations formed like Tetris parts where I see them at the top of the screen, I live them falling down, and I help direct and align myself with what God has for me.  

The moments that make up life are Tetris blocks.  I must be diligent in how I connect them, in where I let them fall, in which way they are placed that fits into the last piece allowing for the next item to fit perfectly.  And it's all wonderfully orchestrated, this transaction between God--me and--life.

I don't understand this past month let alone the fleeting year.  I can't tell you how this American boy came to be in London, or how a possible life spent in the British Isles found a home in my thoughts.  I can't tell you why I gave up the job I loved or why it went down the way it did - like the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.  And I can't tell you how I went for a foreign job interview on a whim with barely a dime to my name.  But I've set out on this path and am walking from the highest peaks to the deepest valleys.  

I'm taking life as it comes to me.  But I'm also meeting life in the middle.  It's a healthy balance.  I am rolling with the punches while anticipating the next move.  I am careful and cautious: I am daring and gambling when it comes to the unseen.  And I have a hope and a confidence that this is what God has for me.

So I go for it.  I leave my 23-year homestead for an unknown frontier.  I deal with restless night sleeps, an oxymoronic way of saying I barely got any shut eye, because I dreamt of the troubles at Kiskadee or was anxious about school since I won't receive my degree until 12 days before I leave the country.  I barrel through being burnt out from daily stresses.  Because I am heartsick for a girl not within arm's reach.  A girl constantly kept in my heart.  And one whom once I embrace I'll never let go.

I don't let any of this phase me.  If I do, God's there to snap me out of it.  To re-assure me everything will be alright.  To speak to me when I don't read the Bible for weeks on end.  To give me peace and quiet when I barely get in a prayer.  To all together love me no matter what.

And this is the life I lead.  Living within an untamed reality.  Trying to schedule minute for minute, but never succeeding.  And through it all, I am relaxed.  I am at ease.  And I am with God.

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