but the glory of kings is to search
things out.
- Proverbs 25: 2
Under the deep blue sky I am lost.
I am lost at how the sun rises and rises and continually sets the day in motion.
I am lost at the touch of the wind on my sunburnt back - refreshing. At how it can comfort stupidity from some hours labored under hot summer sun.
I am lost with volcano boiling ponds on either side of my car as I drive through Myles Standish just after dawn.
And I am lost in love, both from God and from oceans away.
Because I am perpetually baffled, awestruck, left wondering how any of this life actually occurs. But I am completely cool with all of it. Some things are meant to be left to awe. Plenty of things confuse me, but it's like I'm this little kid figuring out the world and life and existence all at once.
Jack Johnson sings, "There were so many fewer questions when stars were just holes to heaven." I think we should live life this way - it's so simple, so enjoyable and we probably experience more of life when we don't try to reason away everything; just go with it.
I remember stargazing when I was younger. My parents would drive us out to the bogs where it would be pitch dark. No streetlights. Only the occasional passing car. And I'd get to lay on the roof of this old beat-up blue car. My dad would point out all the constellations. He must have known all of them. He named them off like they, each one of them, were his best friends. I'd look for shooting stars. And I always had to make a wish. But you know, I can't tell you any of them or else they won't come true; you know the rules. The time would pass so quickly. And I'd be taken to dreams. What were those giant fire balls in the sky anyways? And why were they in the shape of animals, or hunters, or princes with their fair maidens?
I don't know. But I still stared up at the sky. I still searched the heavens for whatever shiny coins they might throw my way. And that's what the stars were. It was all the loose change heavenly beings dropped. They were marbles for Pick Up Sticks. Celestial rocks skipping the galaxies like beach pebbles skipped on ocean waves. And they were whatever my imagination could dream up.
This whole less-than-a-century-or-possibly-more of an existence we are caught in is clearly untamed. Look at the stars. Look at whatever nature throws at you to testify to this untamed reality. Look at your friends, your circumstances, your situations - whether calm cool and collected or out of whack hell-laden passing moments - and tell me this reality is actually tame. Tell me you are sure of tomorrow. Wait, first tell me you are sure of all that's happened today.
You see, it's quite okay to not understand why things happen in particular ways. And it's okay to not comprehend why you fall in love with you ever you do. Or why without her you are heartsick though the time spent together in the past was only few. Or why she consumes your thoughts to the point of getting excited for her success, her life, her love over everything you are as a person - selfless. Or how God can bring two people together from opposite worlds through hope, through love and through faith with the greatest of these being love.
Things happen that are out of our control. We might never receive the answers for those mysteries while we still breathe.
But tell me this: if you don't question life, then look up at the sky and know that the stars might only be holes to heaven and walk on in your own reality.
Because I will revel in the comfort of being completely lost while searching for God.
Be. Lost. Searching.
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